"So, how's the Ni? Is it nice?"

I breathed in for a second. I had found out my hotel was only 3-stars and had been rehearsing this answer since.

"It's nice - it's ok. A bit like walking into a spaceship," (laugh here, as rehearsed) "I had to learn how to use everything again. Spent half an hour figuring out how to turn on the lights." (Laugh again, don't mention how long it took to open the door, or to get the Tv started - you're going for funny here, not stupid)

"It's very colorful isn't it?" The girl cut in. We had just been introduced. "Very flashy?"

"Oh, yes, it is," - that drowning feeling. Everything slipping away.

"... very tacky." The girl finished off.

"But the basics are all there. I mean, the bed's comfortable and the sheets are warm... and ... great location..."

"Yeah," the kid, the girl and their friend nodded and went back to talking about ex's and holidays in San Moritz and Saint-Tropez.

--

Like a tacky spaceship, I guess.